Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Walking the Lonely, Dark Streets

So I just got back from the bar and never got a drink. I wasn't comfortable being there. That bar freaks me out. So I left.

I left and walked about alone.

The streets at night are so dark, no matter how many streetlights there are. They creep up on you as you walk through. Worst of all, you feel like the whole world is watching your lonely, dark walk back.

Today is a friend's 21st. She's a really sweet girl, but she's just like me: loud, obnoxious, and funny. But she has two things going for her that I don't. 1) She's really pretty. 2) My friends tend to like her more than me, or at least they act like it.

I don't want to sound whiney, it just humbles me. I really do like the girl. I just never felt so lonely with a group of people.

She walks in the room. Everyone is so happy to see her, including me. She somehow gets everyone's attention. Then I don't know what to say. So I fade in the background and watch what's going on. Someone will then notice and say one of the following lines. 1) "Gen, are you ok?" 2) "Gen, you're such a wonderful person." 3) "Gen, you're beautiful and I want to fuck you."

No one would really do the third one, they just say it.

Then I feel even more humbled, because now everyone knows I have been humbled and want to make me feel better.

I know it's just me. I know I'm just crazy.

I'm so used to being the person that people are happy to see.

Now I'm just faded in the lonley, dark streets.

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